Have you ever been so tired that you can no longer go to sleep?
Well, as you can possibly see, it is currently well past 4:00 a.m. and I am foolishly still up, awake and posting on my blog.
I’m not sure what exact medical term applies here, but for some reason if I stay up past midnight, my body and mind get a second, third and even fourth ‘wind’ and I just keep going…staying awake, reading or watching something on video or on my computer. There is no tired feeling, just a pair of open eyes and an almost bored sense that I must keep finding something to do other than sleep.
I almost have to force myself to get into bed, shut off the lights and screens and lay there until finally, blessedly, sleep comes to visit me.
I guess it doesn’t help that I know tomorrow is my day off and I totally intend on sleeping in. Not-so-subconsciously I am telling myself, “It’s okay, stay up a little longer. You can sleep in. No problem!”
Shaaa, great idea, stay up well into the wee hours of the morning, sleep in a lot and get nothing done that I had planned and waste another day. This is beginning to feel like a little “deja vu” every night-before-a-day-off.
However, I must say that I thoroughly enjoy my late nights and morning sleep-ins. I enjoy a good book, or catch up on a few episodes of whatever thought-provoking show I am into at the moment.
I have even stayed up late on a work-day night this week because of a good book.
Man, I miss that feeling; the one where every chapter feels like it’s only been a page and you only notice how late it is when your body begins to cramp up from staying still during the fast and intense reading that happens with a novel you just cannot put down.
Ah sleep.
I think I actually feel it calling me now. I’m not as tired as I was at around 3:30 p.m. today, or at about 11:30 p.m., but I know I need it. My body will feel it tomorrow if I don’t go now.
Then there is the worst feeling when staying up on a night when you know you have to get up early the next day. You lay there and at every hour you think, “OK, if I go to sleep -now- I will get at least six hours of sleep. Six hours, that okay, not too bad, pretty decent actually….” then a while later you get desperate, “Crap, if I get to sleep in the next half hour I’ll have four hours of sleep. Four, Hmmm, not good. I’ll be tired and groggy and….crapity-crap, three hours until the alarm jolts me awake! Sleep! Shut my eyes and sleep…..”
Usually on those fateful, groggy mornings after a late night there is the dread at getting up. I have had many a morning where I keep ‘snoozing’ my alarm and think, “I can get ready in only an hour….45 minutes, yes, I can do it….ok, ok, 30 minutes is the absolute minimum for getting up and to work….oh ok, so I’ll be a little late….I can get 10 more minutes….”
We all need it.
Some sleep at every opportunity. Naps, snoozes, siestas….after work, in the car at lunch, the famous Sunday afternoon nap. I rarely nap, yet when I do it feels both satisfying, like I’ve gained a whole day of rest, and bitter-sweet because I know that is a hour I will never get back and all I did is sleep. It’s not as if I was going to change the world in that hour, it’s just a feeling of anxiousness over the loss of it.
So again, sleep.
I must go try and get some. I will try to close my eyes and think if soothing things and lovely dreams….those dreams may come to me before I forget them or I may slip into Good night, good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow,That I shall say good night till it be morrow. slumber before I even realize it.

~ K

PS – Are you a sleeper who prefers ambient room noise or the totally deafening silence of a quiet room? For a few days my computer, which lives in my bedroom, was taking a leave of absence and my home was eerily silent. I had never even noticed the noise form the fans and the little LED lights that glowed in my dark cavern-like room until they were ripped away from me. I admit that I slept well, but I truly believe I fall to sleep much easier with the slight whirring sounds and soft blue glow of my friend the PC watching over me as I drift away.
Anyway…look how I have stalled a few more precious sleep-minutes.

“Good night, good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow, That I shall say good night till it be morrow. “