When I was young it seemed like I had so much time, yet everything took way too long. Waiting for Jr High, then High School, the wait until I could drive, Graduation…
Then something happened in those years from High School Graduation and the beginning of University…I realized that I missed my younger years already. I missed being a child and having little to no responsibilities, I missed feeling free and unburdened. Not to say that my childhood was perfect in any sense, I mean, it was good and fun, but I had my trials as most children do. If I had to go back and live through my childhood again, knowing what I know now, you can believe that I would stand up to certain bullies, work harder at certain subjects, and never, ever miss an opportunity to have fun!
This feeling of missing my younger years began to shape my personality in my twenties. I wasn’t ready to let go and put away childish things. I clung to the fun, the bright, and took chances to keep myself from getting bored or boring. In some ways those years of shaping still linger in me today.
I sometimes feel looked upon by those who know me as silly or childish even if they don’t realize their intentions. Yet, I don’t let it affect me. I am who I am and I continue to try and cling to what is fun and bright and cheery.
Then once again, time creeps up and I cannot believe that I am already in my thirties! (just barely) Back in my twenties, I would have thought I would be so many different places by now. Perhaps finished another degree at University and teaching or working in a school. Possibly married with a couple of kids. Maybe living somewhere overseas, traveling and enjoying new places. I have done none of those things and I feel like Time weighs heavy on me now.
I no longer wish to be back in my childhood or back where I had more freedom. My life, as it is, now is full of certain freedoms.
Some facts about my current time:
Every one of my close friends are married and I am not.
Every one of my close friends have or are now having children and I am not.
So instead of looking at my life and dwelling on what I do not have…I strive to look at my life and enjoy the Time I have.
I have plenty of Time to myself, time to make choices that only affect me, time for hobbies, movies, pets that I might not otherwise have had if my life had taken other paths.
I’m enjoying my time.
I’m waiting, sure, waiting for that next phase of my life to begin and be shaped, but while I wait I don’t sit on the edge and yearn for tomorrow. I am enjoying today. I am taking all my youthful eagerness and energy and focusing it on the todays I have to live.
I know that God has a plan for me and my life. I can trust in Him and let that plan unfold in the time He wants it to.
“I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. When you call on me, when you come and pray to me, I’ll listen. When you come looking for me, you’ll find me. Yes, when you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else, I’ll make sure you won’t be disappointed. God’s Decree.” Jeremiah 29:11-13 (The Message)